9/17/13- I'm still here

This is a shame....a pure D shame. I haven't submitted a blog entry since March! I'm not proud of that, but I can't promise that I will do any better.

So, what's been going on? That's a loaded question and I'm not going to bore you with the details. But, I will tell you that there have been some major changes in my life; sadly, weight loss is not one of those changes. I have fallen off and on the wagon so many times I feel like that wagon is dragging my big butt! The one thing I haven't done is given up. Some days I eat enough cookies to please a room full of 1st graders... other days I eat right and make it to the gym. I am the true definition of an emotional eater. I eat according to my mood and that's not cool cause in reality, it's sabotage. I am aware of the problem and am seeking help to change it.

I haven't weighed myself in a while....don't need any further disappointment in my life. I know I sound a bit down, but I am speaking to you from where I am. This blog is about me being  honest with you, but more importantly with myself.


No matter how long it takes, I WILL DO THIS!!!


All of me,
Char


*Info on emotional eating:http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/emotional-eating-feeding-your-feelings

3/22/13- I'm still here

The journey continues with many twists and turns and I often want to give up. But, there is something inside of me that continues to push me, even when I have a mouth full of cookies....don't judge me! LOL. When i wanna quit, I can't cause I know there is so much work yet to be done.

I'm still working on losing the weight I gained back after the injury; down about 6 lbs. It's not coming off as quickly as I want, but I know what I need to do to make it happen. I am inspired by others, but the motivation has to come from within.


Through the good and bad, I'm still here. Can't stop.....Won't stop :)


All of me,
Char

1/9/13- its a family affair

My husband recently started a blog called Fat Boy Runnin'. I think you'll enjoy it.

All of me,
Char

http://fatboyrunnin.blogspot.com/2013/01/the-fight-is-on-stressproblems-and.html?spref=fb

12/7/12 Tell the truth and shame the devil

i haven't posted anything since august...WOW!!!! so much has happened since then. my momma in law passed away,  turned 40, completed physical therapy and now its almost the end of the year. its not like you've been waiting to hear from me, but i have not held up my end of this whole blogging thing.

now on to the reason for this post. i have avoided writing because i was ashamed. ashamed of what?  since feb., i have gained back 25 of the 60 lbs i had lost. i could blame it on the back injury or life events (actually i have blamed it on those things) but today, i take responsibility for allowing this to happen. the first step to moving forward is acknowledging that there is a problem. i avoided the scale for months, but my clothes and the mirror reminded me of the truth everyday. looking back, i can see moments of depression and anxiety when i used food for comfort.

so, where am i now? i'm in a better place emotionally and physically. i made this confession about 2 weeks ago to the hubster and my sister friend (one of my accountability partners). they offered great advice and love while reminding me to get my butt back in gear! if you don't have people like that in your life, i advise you to find someone ASAP! if i were left alone with my thoughts for too long,  i would be a dangerous person.LOL. i'm back in the gym 4 days a week, eating better and no longer feeling ashamed. am i getting it right everyday? NO! but, i can now see my errors and move past them. i've said it many times and its always worth repeating, THIS IS A JOURNEY!!! its taking me longer than expected to reach my destination, but i will get there, oh yes, I WILL GET THERE!!!

devil, you thought you had me, huh? you picked the wrong chick......SUCKA!!!!!!!


all of me,
Char

8/7/12- Where's my hair???

After  8 years of wearing my hair in locs, i cut it. it wasn't a spare of the moment thing, i've been planning it for months. when i first locked my hair, i said 5 years or til i turn 40. well, i'll be 40 in a few months and i went well past the 5 years. so, why cut it? i felt like it was time. i wasn't enjoying my hair as much as i use to and i knew i wanted a new look as i approached 40. now i am rocking a TWA....teeny weeny afro and i love it!!! ok, that's a lie, i like it....i think.

i didn't realize it, but for 8 years, i've been hiding behind my hair. only when i walk past a mirror is when i remember that its gone. yes, my head feels lighter, but mentally, i still have my locs.  i feel exposed and extremely fat. my face is front and center and i'm not really comfortable with that. so, do i still think cutting my hair was the right thing to do? ABSOLUTELY!!! why? being exposed helps you face the truth.  remorse (usually) doesn't set it until 24-36 hours after you do something and it slapped me hard in the face the next morning. i was searching in my closet for the BIGGEST shirt i could find to cover up. I. FELT. NAKED.


as you can see from the date (8/7)  this entry has been sitting for a few weeks...today is 8/27. i am feeling much more comfortable with my hair, but still adjusting. i was walking down the hall at work today and turned the corner real quick and was waiting to feel my hair land on my back! i had to laugh at myself,  so use to swinging it around. LOL.  do i still feel exposed? yes, but again, exposure brings forth truth.


if you are loosing weight, cutting your hair, changing jobs, whatever; expect to go through a grieving process. i know it may sound silly about getting a haircut, but we become attached to things and once they are gone, it can be tough.  of course, cutting your hair is nothing in comparison to losing someone you love.  i wasn't expecting to feel that at all! this experience has truly been an eye opener.



all of me,
Char

7/31/12- not where i use to be

while i was checking myself out in the mirror this morning, i started finding all the things wrong with me....fat arms, back fat, thick thighs, etc. i stopped myself and said out loud "you use to weigh 330 lbs.....USE TO!" i walked closer to the mirror, smiled and again said out loud "be proud of what you've done, GOOBER!" ok, these are the kind of talks i have with myself on a daily basis. yes, i ask myself questions and answer them..lol.

the point of this entry is to remind myself (and you, too) that we are on our way to where we wanna be. it doesnt matter if you just started today or if you've been on the journey for 3 years, progress is being made. i wanted to be so much further along by now, but i'm not! today i will be grateful for the 60lbs i have lost so far and keep it moving! sometimes you gotta encourage yourself because we dont always have someone around to support or remind us. aint nothing wrong with talking to yourself!


all of me,
Char

7/2/12- gotta keep it moving

i'm waiting for the results of my mri......WAITING SUCKS! the pain in my back has moved down my right leg and it hurts like....WOW!!!! the pain actually takes my breath away. i try so hard not to cry, but sometimes, i just cant help it. i've had to become creative with working out while in pain. i'm focusing more on upper body and chore strengthening exercises. i'm also back in the pool, no stress on my back and the water feels great!

sometimes my emotions get the best of me and i eat things that i shouldnt, but for the most part, i've been eating clean, little to no dairy, lean meats, veggies, fruit, nuts and lots water. i'm on vacation this week and dont want to get off track with eating right.


i saw a dear friend on yesterday (hi Paula!) and she encouraged me to keep writing. honestly, i havent really felt like sharing much lately, but the whole point of this blog is about being accountable.....sharing good and bad, but always being honest with myself and others. thanks for the reminder, Paula :)


all of me,
Char

Marathon Runner

 I've said it, heard it, read it and even received it in a text message this morning (thanks, charlie). the journey is like a marathon, not a sprint. i often forget that, especially when things aren't going my way. there will be ups and downs, high and lows, but what i have to do is remember the destination and know that i will get there. sometimes, i get frustrated and feel totally lost. that's when i re-read the plan that i wrote 3 years ago, dust myself off and get my butt back on track. it may take me longer than i originally planned, but i will lose the weight......period!!!

I.WILL. FINISH. STRONG.


all of me,
Char

backing it up!

its been a minute....what's up?? well, as some of you may know, i injured my back in february.  a wrong move during zumba class and OUCH!!!! xrays revealed that the lower region or the L5 was jacked up! yes, that's a medical term. LOL. the xrays also revealed that i have degenerative disc disease which scared me at first, but after some reading and talking to my chiro, i learned that it's pretty common. even a few of my fb friends have it. anyway, i've had a few untreated back injuries over the years and that can be one of the causes. i can remember being a kid and having problems with back (car accident) and later in my teens and especially after the birth of my children. so, what has this meant as far as my workouts? it has meant that i have been very limited. after 8 chiro adjustments, i was feeling pretty good and decided i could go back to praise dance at church. the chiro reminded me that just because i was feeling better didn't mean i was done healing.....recovery NOT recovered. i wasn't trying to be disobedient, but i just missed moving and dancing and spinning so much. well, guess who wont be moving and dancing and spinning for a while? i feel like i am starting over as far as working out. i am limited to walking and stretching. and though both are great, i had gotten use to doing more. but if i don't wanna jack my back up even more (yep, still a medical term) then i have to chill. for real, for real, i'm little depressed about it and its showing up in my eating. this from a girl who loathed exercise cause it made you breath too hard. now i miss dancing and weight lifting and even pretending to be a runner. LOL. i'm kinda of an all or nothing kinda person and if i can't do it full force, then i don't wanna do it. so to me, if i can't lift weights like i use to, then i'm not gonna do it at all! or if i can't walk as fast as i use to.....you get what i'm saying.  my husband reminded me that i need to listen to my body (and him) and do what i can for now. i gotta keep it moving forward! how he gonna use MY motto against me? LOL


this week i have done little to no exercise, but i plan to change that ASAP! i can still walk, right? i can still do use resistance bands, right?  i can still work on getting these flabby arms in shape with hand weights, right? i will not allow depression to set in and keep me from my goal. sometimes, it seems so close and other times it seems so far away, but at all times, i'm on my way there.


all of me,
Char

find your beautiful

in my last post (ok, i know its been a while) i talked about facing my food issues. i am currently reading a book titled, made to crave by lisa terkeurst. its a great book; revealing that its actually NOT food that we crave. if you are interested in knowing more, BUY THE BOOK! www.madetocrave.org

in the 2 years that i've been transforming my body, i also have been transforming my mind. for years, i always thought of myself as a fat girl....PERIOD! never seeing myself as beautiful;never accepting the gifts and talents that God placed inside of me. But now, i see and know that I AM BEAUTIFUL!! its beyond a physical thing, but that is part of it. i do take more time on my physical appearance...hair,clothes, makeup. my husband says i enjoy taking pictures now. but, i think i take even more time on cultivating my gifts, talents and relationships. these are the things that make me feel beautiful.

be your best you. FIND YOUR BEAUTIFUL.



all of me,
Char

we fall down, but we get up

NEVER, EVER, NO NEVER go grocery shopping when you are hungry!!!! i thought i was superwoman, and thought i was strong enough to do it..... HA!!!!!!! after i load the groceries in the car, i am shoving cookies in my mouth; looking like the cookie monster. once i came out of my cookie coma, i wanted to cry. instead, i text'd my hubby and told him of my indiscretion. he was understanding, but firm in reminding me of my goal. it's only by the grace of God that i didn't gain a million pounds overnight.

there is still much work to be done. since i was a kid, food has been a major factor in my life... more than i wanted to admit. but once i admitted it and started being honest with myself, i knew i could do something about it. admitting you have a problem is half the battle. the other half is doing something about. I'M DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT.....ARE YOU????

all of me,
Char

12/2/11- watch those numbers drop

all i have to say is........60 LBS. GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


all of me,
Char

10/26/11- the final countdown

i celebrated my b-day earlier this month...happy b-day to me! i am now 39 years old....WOW!!!! in case you haven't noticed, i've made a slight change to title of the blog, from fat to 40-the final year. the countdown has officially begun. i am excited about the next 350 days! i have no idea what is going to happen, but i'm not worried at all. i put my confidence in God and trust Him to know what's best for me.

the journey does not end at 40. it will continue, but in a different direction. i am 56 lbs lighter than i was 2 years ago...amazing! i plan to be even lighter this time next year on my 40th b-day. i guess we will change the name of the blog? how bout from 40 to 50-the next chapter? :)

all of me,
Char

9/19/11- FINALLY!!!!

a short but ohhhhh so sweet entry for today. after 2 years, i have reached my first BIG milestone of 50 LBS. LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! can you see me dancing? GO CHAR, GO CHAR!!!! and how will i celebrate you ask? with a wonderful reward (not food) that i will share with you soon.

love you all and thanks for sticking with me. the journey continues.....

all of me,
Char

run, char run!!!!

hello family! it's been a minute, actually my last post was 7/1. i mentioned in my last post that i was preparing for the ch'ville women's 4 miler. well, its almost here!!! my training has taken a back seat, but i be will participating in the race. its not that i havent been training at all, just a lot less then i wanted to..all my fault. when i am training, i have been running more and i kinda like it. i will NOT be running the entire 4 miles, but i will run as much as i can or til i pass out. lol. i have 2 goals: to finish and to finish with a better time than i did last year. i'm confident i will do both.

last year, i walked the race in honor of my momma in law, shirley. she is a breast cancer survivor who lives life to the fullest. she got married 2 years ago after being a widow for over 20 years. she's a wonderful person with incredible strength. this year, i am running/walking the race in memory of my dear friend, lisa. lisa and i worked together at a convenience store in the town where i grew up. she was warm, funny and adventurous. i had the honor of singing at her wedding. last week, i heard the song i sang on the radio and i burst into tears. i hadnt thought about her in awhile and now i cant get her off my mind. so, this year, i am running for lisa :)

all of me,

Char

7/1/11- party of one

today is july 1st...WOW! thought i would post a little something since i was a total slacker and didn't post anything in june.

the journey from fat to 40 is a trip. the past month has been nothing short of interesting. i took a pit stop and had a MAJOR pity party. y'all, i typically don't throw or attend pity parties, but this time i was the host AND only attendee! i whined and moaned...moaned and whined for bout 2 weeks. wasn't eating right and surely wasn't going to the gym. i was in funk and it was stinky! i'm coming out of it now, realizing that i am so much better than that. sometimes you have to encourage yourself! i am MORE than a conqueror cause God says that i am! quitting is not an option. i'm a slacker some of the time, and a quitter none of the time! i gained a few pounds, which makes me mad, BUT not gonna dwell on it. whats my motto, folks? MOVING FORWARD!!!!!!! you cant move forward if you are standing still. besides, i am training for the c'ville women's 4 miler and i have set a goal that i WILL reach!! more about the 4 miler in my next post.

all of me,

Char

5/11/11- never compare your beginning to someone else's middle

what a powerful title, huh? I read a blog today and it talked about comparing yourself (your journey) to someone else's. you NEVER know where a person is in their journey and to compare is unfair to YOU! i often compare my weight loss to others without knowing the story behind their success. you can apply this to anything....career, family, ministry, etc. ALSO, you dont know the sacrifice of the person you are comparing yourself too! you may want the glory, but are you willing to carry the cross? as i heard joyce meyer say "we want all the perks, for none of the works."

let's be realisitic when reaching our goals. remember, that everyone travels a different road, and my road may look different from yours. enjoy the journey :)

all of me,
Char

3/24/11- on my way

just wanted to give you a quick update. you all remember my last post telling you about the 10lb. weight gain since september? well, i weighed today and i am down 5lbs.!! i gotta get this weight gone! my goal is 20lbs. by august.

thanks for the support and the encouragement :)

all of me,
Char

2/17/11- not in denial

i dont think its a coincidence that on the one year anniversary of my first blog entry, is also the day to have my weight and measurements done. i think its divine appointment or in my case, disappointment. its not good news, folks, but i feel compelled to share it with you. since my last weigh-in in november, i have gained 7 lbs. ; a total of 10 lbs. since september. i am angry, disappointed, frustrated and just mad at myself. there is no denial here, i know what the problem is. the decline started in september and i've been gaining since then. we all know that what is going on internally ,typically manifests externally. my emotions and my weight are best friends. sometimes i just throw up my hands and say "forget it!" but i know thats not right. sometimes i feel so motivated and pumped! this is truly an emotional journey, a roller coaster. am i giving up? NEVER!!!!!!! last week, i devised a plan because i knew i had gained weight even before i stepped on the scale today. i feel like a backslider coming back to Jesus. lol. i am re-committing to exercise 5 days a week, to eat more good and less bad AND to remind myself that i am worth it. i cant allow outside influences make decisions for me. i have to press when no one else is pressing. i have to eat the salad when everyone else is eating the cheeseburger and fries. no one can do this for me, but me! i wasnt going to blog about this, but so many of you have encouraged and supported me that i felt like i had to be honest. i apologize if i've disappointed you. saying (typing) this is a great outlet....a catharsis. i will keep you updated....good or bad :)

all of me, (ALOT more of me now)
char

happy anniversary!!!!

this month marks the one year anniversary of starting my blog. wow, cant believe its been a year already?!! when i started this blog, i was looking for an accountability tool; little did i know that i would inspire others...that was not the goal. i am glad that others have joined me in the journey. its not about weight loss for everyone. i talked to a friend recently who said this blog has inspired her to quit smoking, another to be more active. i wish i could throw a party and invite all of you, so let's have a virtual celebration instead!!! let's celebrate the accomplishments we have made...steps to being better. like i always say, this journey is about moving forward. you gotta keep moving forward, even when it feels like you are walking in place. i will turn 39 this year and 40 will be here before you know it. my dad reminded me that I was getting older,and he was getting better. well, dad, i am getting older AND better! does the journey end at 40? not at all!!!! 40 will begin the next leg of this journey and i am looking forward to it.

in the words of my facebook buddy, tionna, lets keep it moving, ladies (and gents)!

all of me,

Char