Tuesday, September 17, 2013

9/17/13- I'm still here

This is a shame....a pure D shame. I haven't submitted a blog entry since March! I'm not proud of that, but I can't promise that I will do any better.

So, what's been going on? That's a loaded question and I'm not going to bore you with the details. But, I will tell you that there have been some major changes in my life; sadly, weight loss is not one of those changes. I have fallen off and on the wagon so many times I feel like that wagon is dragging my big butt! The one thing I haven't done is given up. Some days I eat enough cookies to please a room full of 1st graders... other days I eat right and make it to the gym. I am the true definition of an emotional eater. I eat according to my mood and that's not cool cause in reality, it's sabotage. I am aware of the problem and am seeking help to change it.

I haven't weighed myself in a while....don't need any further disappointment in my life. I know I sound a bit down, but I am speaking to you from where I am. This blog is about me being  honest with you, but more importantly with myself.

No matter how long it takes, I WILL DO THIS!!!

All of me,

*Info on emotional eating:http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/emotional-eating-feeding-your-feelings

Friday, March 22, 2013

3/22/13- I'm still here

The journey continues with many twists and turns and I often want to give up. But, there is something inside of me that continues to push me, even when I have a mouth full of cookies....don't judge me! LOL. When i wanna quit, I can't cause I know there is so much work yet to be done.

I'm still working on losing the weight I gained back after the injury; down about 6 lbs. It's not coming off as quickly as I want, but I know what I need to do to make it happen. I am inspired by others, but the motivation has to come from within.

Through the good and bad, I'm still here. Can't stop.....Won't stop :)

All of me,

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

1/9/13- its a family affair

My husband recently started a blog called Fat Boy Runnin'. I think you'll enjoy it.

All of me,


Friday, December 7, 2012

12/7/12 Tell the truth and shame the devil

i haven't posted anything since august...WOW!!!! so much has happened since then. my momma in law passed away,  turned 40, completed physical therapy and now its almost the end of the year. its not like you've been waiting to hear from me, but i have not held up my end of this whole blogging thing.

now on to the reason for this post. i have avoided writing because i was ashamed. ashamed of what?  since feb., i have gained back 25 of the 60 lbs i had lost. i could blame it on the back injury or life events (actually i have blamed it on those things) but today, i take responsibility for allowing this to happen. the first step to moving forward is acknowledging that there is a problem. i avoided the scale for months, but my clothes and the mirror reminded me of the truth everyday. looking back, i can see moments of depression and anxiety when i used food for comfort.

so, where am i now? i'm in a better place emotionally and physically. i made this confession about 2 weeks ago to the hubster and my sister friend (one of my accountability partners). they offered great advice and love while reminding me to get my butt back in gear! if you don't have people like that in your life, i advise you to find someone ASAP! if i were left alone with my thoughts for too long,  i would be a dangerous person.LOL. i'm back in the gym 4 days a week, eating better and no longer feeling ashamed. am i getting it right everyday? NO! but, i can now see my errors and move past them. i've said it many times and its always worth repeating, THIS IS A JOURNEY!!! its taking me longer than expected to reach my destination, but i will get there, oh yes, I WILL GET THERE!!!

devil, you thought you had me, huh? you picked the wrong chick......SUCKA!!!!!!!

all of me,

Monday, August 27, 2012

8/7/12- Where's my hair???

After  8 years of wearing my hair in locs, i cut it. it wasn't a spare of the moment thing, i've been planning it for months. when i first locked my hair, i said 5 years or til i turn 40. well, i'll be 40 in a few months and i went well past the 5 years. so, why cut it? i felt like it was time. i wasn't enjoying my hair as much as i use to and i knew i wanted a new look as i approached 40. now i am rocking a TWA....teeny weeny afro and i love it!!! ok, that's a lie, i like it....i think.

i didn't realize it, but for 8 years, i've been hiding behind my hair. only when i walk past a mirror is when i remember that its gone. yes, my head feels lighter, but mentally, i still have my locs.  i feel exposed and extremely fat. my face is front and center and i'm not really comfortable with that. so, do i still think cutting my hair was the right thing to do? ABSOLUTELY!!! why? being exposed helps you face the truth.  remorse (usually) doesn't set it until 24-36 hours after you do something and it slapped me hard in the face the next morning. i was searching in my closet for the BIGGEST shirt i could find to cover up. I. FELT. NAKED.

as you can see from the date (8/7)  this entry has been sitting for a few weeks...today is 8/27. i am feeling much more comfortable with my hair, but still adjusting. i was walking down the hall at work today and turned the corner real quick and was waiting to feel my hair land on my back! i had to laugh at myself,  so use to swinging it around. LOL.  do i still feel exposed? yes, but again, exposure brings forth truth.

if you are loosing weight, cutting your hair, changing jobs, whatever; expect to go through a grieving process. i know it may sound silly about getting a haircut, but we become attached to things and once they are gone, it can be tough.  of course, cutting your hair is nothing in comparison to losing someone you love.  i wasn't expecting to feel that at all! this experience has truly been an eye opener.

all of me,

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

7/31/12- not where i use to be

while i was checking myself out in the mirror this morning, i started finding all the things wrong with me....fat arms, back fat, thick thighs, etc. i stopped myself and said out loud "you use to weigh 330 lbs.....USE TO!" i walked closer to the mirror, smiled and again said out loud "be proud of what you've done, GOOBER!" ok, these are the kind of talks i have with myself on a daily basis. yes, i ask myself questions and answer them..lol.

the point of this entry is to remind myself (and you, too) that we are on our way to where we wanna be. it doesnt matter if you just started today or if you've been on the journey for 3 years, progress is being made. i wanted to be so much further along by now, but i'm not! today i will be grateful for the 60lbs i have lost so far and keep it moving! sometimes you gotta encourage yourself because we dont always have someone around to support or remind us. aint nothing wrong with talking to yourself!

all of me,

Monday, July 2, 2012

7/2/12- gotta keep it moving

i'm waiting for the results of my mri......WAITING SUCKS! the pain in my back has moved down my right leg and it hurts like....WOW!!!! the pain actually takes my breath away. i try so hard not to cry, but sometimes, i just cant help it. i've had to become creative with working out while in pain. i'm focusing more on upper body and chore strengthening exercises. i'm also back in the pool, no stress on my back and the water feels great!

sometimes my emotions get the best of me and i eat things that i shouldnt, but for the most part, i've been eating clean, little to no dairy, lean meats, veggies, fruit, nuts and lots water. i'm on vacation this week and dont want to get off track with eating right.

i saw a dear friend on yesterday (hi Paula!) and she encouraged me to keep writing. honestly, i havent really felt like sharing much lately, but the whole point of this blog is about being accountable.....sharing good and bad, but always being honest with myself and others. thanks for the reminder, Paula :)

all of me,